Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Six weeks down

In January of this year, I began the countdown to my retirement date.  Since that day came and went, I find myself counting the days since retirement.  

I cannot lie...  This has not been easy.  For the most part, I have felt aimless.  There is so much to do around here, but I'm having difficulty getting organized.  The days pass quickly with little accomplished.

I wasn't aware how having a job actually fed my self esteem.  Graduating from nursing school and securing a job, pleased my parents and allowed me the ability to join the consumer culture.  Later when my husband wasn't able to keep his job, I worked for both of us.  When the marriage failed...and no child support was paid...I was well suited for the job of caring for my children alone.  

Nursing satisfied my need to be helpful, and of service to others.

After 43 years of service, they say I have earned the luxury of an armchair.  

How I loathe the feeling of "entitlement."

I guess the upside of this is that I no longer have the kind of stress I was under at my last place of employment, and I sleep when the rest of the world sleeps.  I have been able to visit with grandchildren more often, and I'm dabbling at painting again.

What I yearn for, however, is waking up to that feeling of celebration that I no longer work.  Perhaps that will come with time.  I sincerely hope so.

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