Thursday, April 23, 2015

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is fast approaching. It isn't always a pleasant day for me.  Of course I love the calls from my own children who are now parents themselves, but I miss my mom and I really miss having a place to go and visit her.

Mom passed away in 2001.  That month was particularly hard as we watched the events, as they unfolded, in New York City, in the early days of September that very same month. Mom was in the nursing home at that point in time, and every television was tuned on to that tragic event.  Although she did not fully understand what had happened, (who did?) she understood the fear that we all felt. She passed away shortly afterward. 

I believe that her death was a relief for her. She had been ill for many years and she had experienced pain that most of us will never know. She was a tough gal, but she also knew fear.

In my heart of hearts I know that mom is all around us now. Why is it then that I miss having a place to go and lay flowers and speak to her?

Mom is now resting at my brothers home… At least her ashes are.

I often think about how much we now have in common. My mother was a very enthusiastic rug hooker.  I have taken up the craft, and am using her huge stash of wool that was left. There was a time when we had little to talk about but I have so much to share now.  She'd enjoy seeing my newest rug cutting machine. She'd love some of the new patterns that I have purchased. She'd love hearing of some of the things I'd like to design myself. She'd be thrilled to hear that I ran into one of her old friends last year at the annual rug hooking show.

She would love to see her grandchildren again and hear about all that they have accomplished. 

Shortly after she died, I had a dream. I dreamt that my father and I and my mom were walking down a street in Bracebridge. All of a sudden, mom started running ahead,  but it wasn't in was with glee, and when I looked down she had two legs.  Mom had lost her leg several years before she passed away.  She was whole again.

I wonder if she has any sense or vision of what's happening here. I wonder if she's pleased with what I am doing with my life.  Am I looking after dad well enough?

This year I am promised that I can borrow moms ashes. It will be the first time in 14 years that I will be able to spend Mother's Day with her.  The whole situation seems surreal. What will I do and what will I say to her that I haven't said already in those quiet moments at night when I stand on my deck and gaze heavenward?

Perhaps I will say what I've said a 1000 times before..." I love you mom."

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Do you have enough?

I had a rather urgent request from my daughter. Her request was that I stop buying toys for the children.   She explained that she had been trying to tidy and organize the children's bedrooms and found that her daughter had 15 dolls.

I know, for sure that I haven't supplied that little gal with any more than two dolls... the last being this one –

I totally understand my daughters frustration. Her first point was that if every time the children visited I gave them something they would come to expect this. Her second point was that the more they accumulate the less they appreciate.

When I was little I had two dolls and I and I loved them dearly. As I got older I talked my parents into more. I'm sure I loved them all but none so much as those first two dolls.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that I have a cumulated too much stuff. Moving from a 2500 square-foot home into an 800 square-foot home brought many challenges but the biggest challenge was getting rid of years of accumulation that just didn't fit into this small house.  Parting with stuff is difficult. Stuff holds memories.  I have learned however that no matter how hard I hold onto certain items I cannot bring the past back. I can hold it in my heart however.

It is said that you spend the first half of your life accumulating things and the last half your life disposing of those things.

Why do we buy?  Why do we gather?. Is it because we fill all those empty spaces in our life with things that can only bring a temporary joy?

What is your reason for accumulating so much? little Doll...I will stop buying for the children and provide them instead with memories, cookies and all those other good things

THIS is the first sign of spring!

Away with the clothes rack...for today, anyway.  Tonight we can look forward to sleeping on sheets sheets that smell of the outdoors.

I love the fact that I've learned to live without a dryer.  Nothing beats the smell of laundry fresh off the line.

My side door that leads out to my line has shifted and I have to walk around the house because I can't open that door. The walk is well worth it.

Soon house will settle on to its original position and the door will open and my clothesline will get much use.

Oh happy days....oh happy days!