Thursday, April 23, 2015

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is fast approaching. It isn't always a pleasant day for me.  Of course I love the calls from my own children who are now parents themselves, but I miss my mom and I really miss having a place to go and visit her.

Mom passed away in 2001.  That month was particularly hard as we watched the events, as they unfolded, in New York City, in the early days of September that very same month. Mom was in the nursing home at that point in time, and every television was tuned on to that tragic event.  Although she did not fully understand what had happened, (who did?) she understood the fear that we all felt. She passed away shortly afterward. 

I believe that her death was a relief for her. She had been ill for many years and she had experienced pain that most of us will never know. She was a tough gal, but she also knew fear.

In my heart of hearts I know that mom is all around us now. Why is it then that I miss having a place to go and lay flowers and speak to her?

Mom is now resting at my brothers home… At least her ashes are.

I often think about how much we now have in common. My mother was a very enthusiastic rug hooker.  I have taken up the craft, and am using her huge stash of wool that was left. There was a time when we had little to talk about but I have so much to share now.  She'd enjoy seeing my newest rug cutting machine. She'd love some of the new patterns that I have purchased. She'd love hearing of some of the things I'd like to design myself. She'd be thrilled to hear that I ran into one of her old friends last year at the annual rug hooking show.

She would love to see her grandchildren again and hear about all that they have accomplished. 

Shortly after she died, I had a dream. I dreamt that my father and I and my mom were walking down a street in Bracebridge. All of a sudden, mom started running ahead,  but it wasn't in was with glee, and when I looked down she had two legs.  Mom had lost her leg several years before she passed away.  She was whole again.

I wonder if she has any sense or vision of what's happening here. I wonder if she's pleased with what I am doing with my life.  Am I looking after dad well enough?

This year I am promised that I can borrow moms ashes. It will be the first time in 14 years that I will be able to spend Mother's Day with her.  The whole situation seems surreal. What will I do and what will I say to her that I haven't said already in those quiet moments at night when I stand on my deck and gaze heavenward?

Perhaps I will say what I've said a 1000 times before..." I love you mom."


  1. My Mum died in January,this will be my first Mother's Day without being able to call her. I go about my days thinking of all the things I could tell her about,then I remember that I can't.
    I'll be buying some flowers for Mum on Mother's Day, but they'll be for me to enjoy,knowing that she would have loved them.
    Jane x

  2. That's a great tribute for your Mom and a good way to remember her.

  3. What a wonder post and tribute to your mom. We have lost both sides of our parents and my mom was the sewing and crafter and I still miss being able to show her what I make and learning from her.


  4. For sure your mom is still living in your heart. I can feel it in the words you write.